英语幽默笑话大全摘录

　　幽默的人总是受欢迎的，人人喜欢幽默。幽默不但可以给人带来快乐，还可以让人与人之间交往更和谐，运用得体的幽默，往往会使人及时摆脱窘困的处境。如果是到了外国，你是不是也能发挥你的幽默特长呢?这就需要英语水平的提高了，下面给大家在英语幽默笑话大全上做了一些摘录，大家可以在娱乐中学习英语。

　　英语幽默笑话大全摘录①Personal Finance 个人理财

　　A silvedess mon goes fast ihrough the market.

　　身上无钱，市场疾行

　　There once was a rich man who was near deeth. He wru very grieved because he had worked so hard for his numey. So he began to pray Lhat he rmght he ahle to take some of his weakh with him.

　　曾经有一个富人快要死了，他租伤心，因为为了钱他才拼命工作，他想把钱带着一起上天堂，因此他开始祈祷恳求他能随身带一些财产.

　　A:Sorry,but you car't take your wealth with you.

　　对不起.你不能带走财产。

　　B:Could you speakto Cod to see if he might hend the rules?

　　你跟上帝说说情吧，看能否网开一面?

　　(Then he continue to pray his wealth could follow him,and the angel reappears.)

　　他继续祈祷能带上财产，天使又出现了。

　　A:The Cod has decided to allow you to take one suitcase with yourself.

　　上帝允许你随身带一个手提箱。

　　(Overjoyed.the man gaLhers his largest suitcase and fills it,with pure gold bar s and places it beside his hed.Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Catea of Heaven to greet St.Peter. Peter sees the suit-case.

　　富人欣喜若狂，拿了他的手提箱，里面装满了金条，然后放在床边。不久这个富人死了，出现在天堂门口向圣彼得致意。圣棱得看到了那只手提箱。)

　　C:Hold on. you can't bnng thatin here!

　　放下，你不能把那东西带到这儿来。

　　B:But I have pennjssion and you can verify ny stcuy with the Lord.

　　但是我已经得到丁许可，你可以到上帝那儿证实一下。

　　C:You are rigt.You are allowed orie carry-on hag. Bm i'm supposed to check it's contents before letting through.

　　没错，你可以带一只手提箱，但我要检查一下里面是什么东西才能放行。

　　B：OK.

　　好的。

　　(Then he opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found to precious to leave behind.

　　于是圣彼得打开手提箱检查那位富人舍不得留在尘世间的宝贝。)

　　C:You bought our pavement?!

　　你把我们这儿铺地砖带来了?!

　　Health is not valued till sickness comes.

　　英语幽默笑话大全摘录②Giving up Smoking 戒除烟瘾

　　生病才知健康好。

　　A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.

　　一个被告卷入了一桩牵涉大笔资金的诉讼案，他去找他的律师。

　　A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.

　　如果我输了这场官司，我就完了。

　　B:It's in the judge's hand now.

　　这事掌握在法官的手上。

　　A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?

　　如果我给法官送一箱雪茄，会不会起点作用?

　　B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.

　　哦.不会的!这位法官很固执，非常注意职业道德。这种花招只会让他对你产生偏见，他甚至会认为你蔑视法庭。事实上，你甚至都不用对他微笑。

　　With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,

　　最后，法官作了一个有利于被告的判决，当被告离开法院时。

　　A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.

　　谢谢你关于雪茄的忠告，这很多管用。

　　B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.

　　如果你送了的话，我肯定休会输掉这场官司。

　　A:But did send them.

　　但是我的确送了。

　　B:What? You did?!

　　什么?你送了?!

　　A:Yes.That's how we won the case.

　　对，这就是我们会赢这场官司的原因。

　　B:I don't understand

　　我不明白。

　　A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.

　　这很简单，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一张名片。

　　英语幽默笑话大全摘录③Mass Media 大众传媒

　　Curiosity killed a cat.

　　爱管闲事，自己吃亏。

　　Jack's father and the professor are talking about Jack.

　　杰克的爸爸正在和教授谈论杰克。

　　A:Why did you fail Jack in his examination, and tell him he would have to leave the university?

　　你为什么给杰克不及格并让他必须退学?

　　B:Because he really cannot continue his study in the univversity.

　　因为他确实不能在大学里继续他的学业了。

　　A:But he is a good boy. If you let him pass this time. I'm sure he will make a progress next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.

　　可他是一个好孩子。如果这次您能让他过关，明年他一定会大有长进，而且在年终的时候能够非常出色地通过考试。

　　B:No,too,that's quite impossible! Do you know, last monthI a sked him when Napoleon died, and he didn't know!

　　不，木行，那是根本不可能的，你知道不知道，上个月我问他拿破仑足什么时候去世的，可他居然会不知道。

　　A:Please sir,give him another chance. You see.Iam afraid w e don't take any newspapers in our house, so none of us even knew that Na- poleon was ill recently.

　　先生，请再给他一次机会吧。您要知道，恐怕是因为我们家里没有订报纸吧，所以我们全家甚至没有一人知道拿破仑最近得了病。

　　幽默是人类智慧的结晶，是一种语言艺术，人生中如果缺乏幽默，就如同食物中缺乏糖和盐会寡淡无味,让我们都来学会运用幽默吧。

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